The shopping season is upon us once again! It used to be called the Christmas season or the holiday season but the notion of Christmas or holidays is no longer emphasized.
When I look around, all I see is the emphasis on shopping. Apparently, the proper and just way to show your love to family and friends is to empty your wallet. Every retailer under the sun is exhorting you to spend-spend-spend! If you’ve got a nickel, they’ll happily take it.
Need a gift for your bus-buddy’s grandmother’s snow-shoveller? Then head over to Staples and find just the right thing!
How about a little something for the hostess’ dog-groomer’s roommate’s twin sister? Surely you’ll find what you need at Tim Horton’s.
And let’s not forget to buy a gift for your neighbour’s chiropractor’s assistant’s step-sister’s tennis instructor’s mechanic’s first mother-in-law, okay? Surely, the perfect gift is just waiting to be found on Amazon.
I jest…but not by much.
Gift-giving expectations have exploded.
When I was a child, it was way back in the dark ages. People read by candlelight. A full-sized chocolate bar cost $0.05. It was a 10-mile walk to school, both ways uphill. Back then, a seasonal greeting was sufficient and no one expected anything else.
Today, the retailers have brain-washed us into believing that we should spend whatever it takes to buy something for everyone that we know. It’s insidious! What if my neighbour’s chiropractor’s assistant’s step-sister’s tennis instructor’s mechanic’s first mother-in-law doesn’t like the tin of saltwater taffy that I gave her? I spent $42 on shipping – she damn well better like it!
When we buy into the notion that everyone needs atleast one gift from everyone else, then we tacitly accept that money has to be spent or else someone won’t be happy.
Time – the Ultimate Gift
You know what has worked to create better relationships and strong connections? Spending time with people. Playing cards & board games, completing a puzzle together, or hosting a potluck allows for people to share their lives, talk about their dreams, laugh together, and make some good memories. Time is priceless because it is finite. You only get so much of it and it’s best not to waste it.
When you choose to spend time with someone, you’re giving them something precious. You can’t buy time, but you can use it to create spheres of intimacy where you, your friends and your family can just be. In today’s world, where the constant demand is to do more, be more, spend more, achieve more, one of the best gifts of all is creating a space where it’s okay to just chill, to simply relax, to be together with those whom you cherish.
I’m not trying to pretend that you don’t need some money at this time of the year. If you have to travel or you’re making something that’s not on your regular grocery list, then funds will be needed. If you’re hosting out of town guests, then you’re going to need some extra funds for the additional costs of running a household with a few more bodies. I don’t want to give the impression that this time of year doesn’t deliver some solid punches to your pocketbook.
However, I do want to disabuse you of the notion that buying stuff is the way to find the kind of relationship that you want. No one wants to feel like they’re simply a wallet-on-legs. You want to feel appreciated, not taken for granted. Going into debt to buy gifts for other people is not the way to create the genuine relationship that you most truly desire.
Spend cash! Spend cash! Spend cash!
If I can’t convince you to cut down on the number of presents that you dole out, then perhaps I can persuade you not to go into debt to do so. Keep the credit cards out of your wallet – don’t take them to the mall – most definitely do not use them online! If a website already has a copy of your credit card information saved, then go an delete it immediately. You need to slow down the speed at which you spend your hard-earned money. I call this slowing down process “financial friction”. You will need to create some friction between your viewing of an item and the purchase of that item. Friction will impede your ability to go into debt during the shopping season. This is a very good thing!
Trying to buy someone’s love is a bad idea. Going into debt to buy someone’s love is an even worse idea! If your plan to buy affection doesn’t work, then you’re in debt while also failing to get what you really crave from someone else.
At the root, everyone wants the same thing. People really want to be accepted and loved for who they truly are. They want a genuine connection to others and to know that they are cherished. Your wallet can only buy stuff – it cannot buy the intangible elements of a wonderful relationship.
After all, if your relationship is based on money, then what’s left if the money goes away? How do you know that you’re loved for who you are rather than for what you can buy?
As hard as this may be to believe, I have nothing against gifts! I enjoy giving them and I enjoy receiving them. What I’ve learned over my years is that the amount spent doesn’t correlate to the importance of the relationship in my life. The people in my life love me after shopping season is over, whether I’ve given them a $2 garage-sale mug, a tin of homemade baking, or the latest fancy electronic toy. Tossing aside my financial goals and going into debt to buy gifts for other people hasn’t resulted in stronger relationships.
Look, I’m not telling you to stop buying gifts. I just want you to think about why you’re buying gifts. And I’m going to gently suggest that you spend a little bit less this year in presents. Those who really and truly love you won’t stop loving you if the box under the tree is slightly smaller this year.
Trust me on this one.