Based on my own experience and decades of observation, I am convinced without a shadow of a doubt that priorities guide how we spend money. To paraphrase Paula Pant at www.affordanything.com, every spending decision you make is based on priorities because choosing to spend on one thing means that you’re not spending on something else. I think a lot of personal finance problems could be solved if people created their own priorities, but they don’t. Many people allow others to set their priorities for them, whether through marketing or peer pressure or societal expectations. People adopt the priorities of others and spend their money accordingly. Sometimes, this method works for them and sometimes it doesn’t.
Ideally, you create your own set of priorities and you’re in a position to pursue them with the support of your friends and family. I haven’t always been so lucky.
After I finished university and started my first professional job, my closest friends would give me a hard time about how I chose to spend my money. In short, they didn’t like the fact that I didn’t spend money on things that didn’t matter to me. They felt entitled to tell me that I “could afford it” – whatever “it” happened to be at the time. I heard their message loud and clear: my spending choices weren’t the “right” ones in their eyes. At the time, I had student loan debt. I had car debt. I owed money on my mortgage. I chose to allot my paycheque to various spending categories and I was very rigorous about paying down my debt while starting to save for my retirement. These were my priorities, and my closest friends at the time didn’t share or respect them.
Only one friend understood my priorities and supported me wholeheartedly. The vast majority of my closest friends did not. They were definitely more spend-y than I was but I couldn’t let their spending choices derail mine. What was my solution? Well, I didn’t get rid of those friends and I still spend time with them today. Over time, I simply stopped talking to them about my priorities and my money. In essence, I cut them out of the financial part of my life because I didn’t trust them to respect my personal goals and dreams. My goals were to establish a habit of saving for retirement, to pay off my student loans, to pay off my car loan, and to pay off my mortgage as fast as humanly possible. I only had so much money to work with and I wasn’t going to let their opinion that I “could afford it” derail me from focusing on my priorities. I was the only person who knew what my goals were and how I wanted to spend my money to achieve them.
Over the years, I read personal finance books and discovered the world of personal financial bloggers. It was in the books and the blogs that I found a niche where my priorities were the norm, where my goals were supported, and where strategies to achieve my hopes and dreams were shared by people who had already achieved similar hopes and dreams. As a result of what I learned from the books and the blogs, I was completely debt-free by age 34 and had achieved a solid six-figure net worth. By the time I was 40, I’d entered the double-comma club.
I also strengthened my relationship with that one friend who’d totally understood my desire to get out of debt and to pay cash for everything. We talked about money and shared what we learned. I remember when she confided to me that she and her husband would put off any and all purchases to the last possible moment in order to focus on paying off their mortgage. I was as excited as she was when they hit that milestone, just as she had been thrilled for me when I became debt-free at age 34.
It took me many years to craft a money system that funds my priorities with minimal decision-making on my part. Right now, I use automatic transfers to ensure that a portion of each paycheque is allocated towards each of my priorities.
– Retirement accounts? Check.
– Investment portfolio? Check.
– Emergency fund? Check.
– Utilities, property taxes, insurance premiums? Check
– Charitable donations? Check.
– Day to day spending? Check.
– Saving for next vehicle? Check.
– Saving for travel? Check.
– Saving for home renovations? Check.
These are the priorities that I have defined for myself and I have honed them over the years. I’ve learned to put very little weight on the priorities that others try to set for me. Their priorities won’t make me happy, but they will drain my wallet and get me into debt. I don’t want that for myself so I stick to what I know will get me closer to the life I want to live.
Over the years, there have been many times when I’ve had to re-order my priorities to ensure that I was doing what I really and truly wanted. Even today, I’m debating with myself about whether travel is more important than home maintenance.
I love travel, but I also need to renovate my basement bathroom and laundry room. These rooms aren’t in complete disrepair, but they will be if I don’t do something in the next 3 years. However, I realize that if I want to see, taste, touch as much of the world as possible then I have to get out there and do it. These priorities are both important to me right now and I see them in my mind’s eye as the two ends of a pendulum. I’ve been trying to figure out how to pay for both in 2019 and it’s just not going to happen unless I win the lottery or discover that a wildly-benevolent stranger has left me a sizeable bequest. I have to pick one priority over the other. In other words, one of the two is going to take a higher priority for me in 2019. I will still accomplish both goals, just not at the same time. I only have so much money and I refuse to go into debt, so something has to wait until I have the cash on hand to make the purchase. Right now, the pendulum is swinging towards the home renovation…but there’s a very good chance that it could swing back towards travel. All I am certain of right now is that one of my two priorities will be satisfied with the cash that I save up in the next year or so.
I’m not perfect, but I am definitely older and wiser now. I have to bite my tongue until it bleeds when I see others making what I view as “bad decisions” with their money. I remind myself that they’re spending their money in line with their personal priorities and that they’re under absolutely no obligation to have the same priorities that I do. Until they ask me what I think of their choices, I keep my opinions to myself. I do not want to do to my friends what was done to me because I didn’t like the feeling of knowing that I didn’t have their support. I don’t have to agree with my friends’ priorities and spending choices, but I do have to respect them.
The world isn’t ideal and you can’t always count on others to support your hopes and dreams. All you can do is figure out what you really want and go get it.